Category Archives: Uncategorized


It’s disconcerting to sit in a room with a dozen accomplished, influential, and important women, and hear them tell you that you have innate talent and amazing potential. To hear them say that with genuine enthusiasm. It’s almost painful, the cognitive dissonance from those voices crashing in through your ears like a happy hour group at a bar, laughing and singing and high fiving over the old voices that have always lived in your head, complaining about all that’s missing and all they’ll never get done.

Can it be impostor syndrome if you haven’t made it yet? If you’re just looking over the possibilities and mentally filing away everything that’s out of reach before you’ve even tried to see how far your arms can stretch?

These women are running for office, running companies, running marathons. And they’re saying I can keep up.

Maybe it’s time to lace up my shoes.

Liam at 4

How can this little guy already be 4?

He’s tall and strong and fast, running and hopping and spinning in his favorite rainbow shoes and Wonder Woman baseball cap. He outgrew two sizes in the past year, really putting holes into my argument that he needs to eat his veggies if he wants to grow big and strong. Every now and then he’ll try very very hard to make us happy and put a tiny molecule of red bell pepper or sweet potato in his mouth and smile unconvincingly along with our excited grins before saying “I don’t like this very much.” He does, however, like bagels and fruit and “snacks,” demanding one of the latter before he even gets in the door in the evening.

He’s the kindest little soul you’ll ever meet, despite the occasional meltdowns that come with this age of big emotions and little control. He’s over his big moods pretty quickly, and can often be distracted from them with silliness and giggles. There’s an overload of silliness in this house, and much of it is his. Non-sequiturs pour out of him all day, surprising us with cleverness and insight. He just can’t get enough of sharing all the things he’s learning, which means he’s talking pretty much all day long. He’ll tell you we can’t see the moon right now because it’s on the other side of the world visiting Africa, or that those cars have red lights on to tell us they’re stopping and blinky lights for when they’re turning, or that the puddles are gone now and we can’t jump in them because water e-vap-o-waits and then the puddles make clouds and that’s SO SILLY, right Mommy?

Most of his baby words are gone, though, and I am grumpy with daycare for correcting some of my favorites and making him sound like a big kid. Lellow and fire malarm vanished within a week of each other and it was almost too much to bear. I miss the days of murms and Lee-num, but there’s some good to being able to have a real honest conversation in multi-syllabic words with this guy.

He’s considerate and sweet, always asking how he can help. He’s attuned to how others feel and he is very concerned when anything is wrong or anyone is sad. And he’s really developed into a wonderful little human with the arrival of his two baby brothers. He’s gentle with them, and loves to pat them on their tummies or butts. He helps us find and replace their pacifiers when they’re crying, and we’ll often find him singing to them or showing them a book. Now that they’re a little more mobile and grabby, he’s our family safety officer, telling them not to touch this or that, and ratting them out to us when they break a rule. “No, Eamon, shoes are not for eating! Mommy, Eamon’s eating your shoe!”

I keep asking him about his favorite things, so I can record them for posterity, but he has too much love in him to play favorites. If you ask his favorite color, he’ll tell you it’s black, white, orange, and blue. If you ask him his favorite superhero, it’s Wonder Woman, Batman, and Captain America. His favorite show is Magic School Bus and Wild Kratts and Llama Llama. Why not love all the things?

He has a big-boy bed now, but prefers to sleep on the floor, wrapped in his monkey sleeping bag and covered in books. He’s great at puzzles, is recently obsessed with Bingo, and wants to teach his brothers to swim this summer (note that he himself cannot yet swim). He still loves the moon and just learned about lightning bugs. He drags both dinner and bedtime out to interminable lengths and makes us crazy, but sometimes the conversation is so much fun, or the requests for hugs so welcome, that it’s hard to push back.

Happy birthday, sweet guy. Looking forward to how cool 4’s going to be.

Thoughts in the Aftermath

I didn’t know that America’s core was this ignorant, this racist, this misogynist. We outsiders always joke about it, all the rednecks and gun-totin’ Yosemite Sams leaning out of big pickup trucks and hollering about freedom and Jesus.

I hesitated about moving here. To this country where so many still think humans walked with dinosaurs. Where guns are easier to get than mental health appointments. Where we don’t want tax money paying for abortion but we pretend teen sex doesn’t happen and refuse to give them information they need. Where police can pull a man over for a broken tail light and murder him in “self-defense.” Weekly.

Living here for almost a decade, I found that this country does contain good people. So many of them. Working for change and for understanding, working for others, defending their rights. I’ve grown so much thanks to their patience and their guidance. So much can be achieved through kindness and compassion and open minds. I began to think that with enough effort, we could make a difference.

I’m not sure I believe that anymore. The numbers don’t lie: at its core, America truly is a hateful and selfish country. I am so very nervous for my friends who don’t have the privilege of whiteness, cis-het-ness, health, affluence, and geography. I’m nervous for everyone.

 And I’m so mad that hate wins.

Amazon Affiliate Links

Hello friends.

Hello too, enemies. Please enjoy your stay, and bless your hearts.

In an effort to cover the costs of maintaining my blog, I’ve decided to sign up for the Amazon Affiliate program. It isn’t likely to affect your experience here in the least, but anytime you click on an affiliate link and buy something on Amazon (anything at all – it doesn’t have to be the item I’ve linked to), I get a teeny tiny percentage of the sale. Your purchase price won’t change a cent.

I don’t want huge ads interfering with the flow of my thoughts (or your reading), so you’ll mostly be seeing text links. Even then, I don’t plan on overwhelming my posts with them, because I think it’s gimmicky and rude. I may use an occasional image link if it’s a picture similar to one I’d have used in the post anyway, or an object I am describing because I love it and recommend it to my friends.

I promise to be a respectful sellout and not abuse my linking powers. Please consider helping me out and buying through my site once in a while, if Amazon is a place you regularly shop. Every little bit helps.

Amazon requires me to clearly state the following on my site, so here it is in all its official legal boilerplate glory:

“Jen is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to”

A night in the life of a pregnant woman

On an average night, I wake up twice because my bladder only has a fraction of its former volume left.

Gonna BlowI add to the problem by giving my kidneys a fresh cold glass of water to process every time I get up, because for unfathomable reasons, peeing at 1:45am makes me desperately thirsty. It’s usually as I’m climbing back into bed (yes, climbing – I need a step-stool to haul myself into the bed now) that I realize I’m too hot and sweaty to ever possibly get back to sleep, so my first wake-up ends with me turning on the ceiling fan. Even if it’s cool outside, and even if the air conditioning is keeping the room at a reasonable 75F. After my second wake-up around 4am, I give up on my PJs and end up half-naked and sweating on top of the sheets, gasping for oxygen like a dying fish while my husband snores beside me wrapped in a blanket.

It’s the hormones and the squirming heat-generating nugget in my uterus that are making me sweat, but I’m sure the pillow nest is helping to retain that heat and contributing to cooking me alive. I could probably hatch chickens in my bed. Or alligators. And they’d all be male.


The nest is a necessity, because apparently the worst thing you can do while pregnant is sleep in any manner other than on your left side. So you buy fancy giant pillows and prop yourself up all night and try not to roll onto your back and die. How humanity got through the dark ages before Snoogle pregnancy pillows is a mystery to me.

Reclining Woman in a Landscape

In Renaissance days, pregnant women stuffed a small yippy dog at the small of their back when sleeping, so the dog could warn them if they tried to roll over.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s nap time. So I have to go pee.

Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas, Part 1

It’s been Christmas around here for a while, as far as the stores and restaurants are concerned. The Jingle Bells and Holly Jollies started weeks ago almost everywhere we shop or eat, and the aisles in Target and Wegmans and Michaels are full of already-discounted decorations and holiday-themed housewares.


What, you don’t have a Christmas-themed Spreader Set? You barbarian.

I hate that I’m always pressured into starting “Christmas” immediately after Thanksgiving, but that seems to be the way it works around here. Six seconds after your first post-Thanksgiving-turkey burp, an elf pops up and yells “CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS!!! GO GO GO!!!” while waving a Macy’s Black Friday Sale flyer as a starting flag.

image from


I usually resist decorating my own home and allowing the Christmas spirit to permeate my being until I can flip the calendar over to December. Too early and the music will annoy me too soon. All the snowman cookies will be eaten long before I’m supposed to leave some for Santa. And I’ll forget which presents I’ve bought for whom and end up buying much more than I need.

But this year, I started early.

I’m going to claim that this year’s super-late Thanksgiving coerced me into obeying the starting elf. A late Thanksgiving means that there are only four weekends between the holidays, which means a whole lot less time to get anything done, especially when you factor in parties and family get-togethers. I had a whole Friday to myself. I was kept from sleeping in by the army of leaf-blowers clearing the neighbor’s yard. I wasn’t going to fight the Black Friday crowds for discount cheese knives. Why not haul out all the Christmas crap and decorate?

Wine charms

Despite what my Pinterest boards may have you think, I don’t spend much of my time on craft projects. I often have the desire to paint or cut or stamp or otherwise make something, but I mostly stifle those urges because: 

  • Crafting costs money. (Yes, even “upcycling” costs money. Don’t kid yourselves.)
  • I don’t have room to keep all the junk I’d make.
  • I’m not good enough at it to sell the junk I’d make.
  • I doubt anyone else needs junk any more than I do, so it’s silly to give crafty gifts.

The thing is, though, I like to do it. I enjoy making things. I suspect there’s a genetic component to that inclination: my mother paints, and makes beautiful handmade cards. Before her, my grandmother made jewelry and my grandfather worked with wood to make beautiful boxes and carvings. I feel like I should be working harder to keep all of that alive.

I recently bought some beads and wires at the craft store, thinking maybe I could make some jewelry. Sadly, I stayed true to my indecisive self and left the shopping bag in the backseat of my car for weeks as I argued with myself about whether or not to return it and get my $20 back to spend on more important things. It took a visit from my friend Michelle to remind me that things that make me happy are important things, too. Mostly, she played the reverse psychology game with me and bullied me into making things – and I’m grateful that she did.

Here’s the result of that creative push:


I made things! Wine charm things, to be specific. All I needed were a few bits and pieces, a set of small jewelry pliers, and a five-minute how-to video, and I made some pretty little things. These charms did not exist until I decided that they should, and that’s pretty great. No, I’m not going to be opening an Etsy shop for this stuff, and I won’t be unloading them on everyone I know. But it’s a way to get better at this sort of thing. And it makes me happy, which is pretty much the whole point.

Recipe Bookmarks – Tomatoes done right


Ah, that’s more like it.

If cooked tomatoes are going to get all soft and squishy, then let’s put them in a pasta dish where that won’t matter! You expect tomatoes to be soft and warm and squishy in a pasta sauce.

Normally, when I have too many cherry or grape tomatoes and can’t get them all into salads before they go soft, I use them in my Fish & Tomatoes dinner. But it’s nice to have other options, and this Spaghetti with Heirloom Cherry Tomatoes seemed like an easy place to start.

It’s incredibly simple: just tomatoes, oil, and garlic to make the “sauce”, then some fresh mozzarella and basil added after the pasta’s tossed in. Because the sauce is so basic, the quality of the ingredients makes a difference. I used fresh basil leaves from my garden and found some of the good squishy fresh mozzarella at the cheese counter at Wegmans. I didn’t use “heirloom” tomatoes, as the goal was to use up my grape tomatoes that had already started to go soft, but I don’t think that took away from the flavor. Where I compromised was to use a store brand box of fettuccine. Oh, it was still a tasty dinner. But I think if I’d splurged on some fancier pasta, or gone all-out and made my own fresh pasta, it would have taken it to a whole other delicious level.

Yay, an excuse to try making fresh pasta again! I’ll just need a free weekend, because that’s a big project!

JoCoCruiseCrazy III – Day 6

With all of the island visits over and nothing but sea days left as the ship turned northwards to bring us home, the party atmosphere came down a few notches on Day 6.

We slept in. Late. I kicked myself for it later, because there were some panels I wanted to attend, about writing and about quitting your job for a creative career, but the problem with an interior room is that there’s no daylight to tell you that you should seriously be getting your ass out of bed. Maybe it’s a sign that I should stick with my day job for a little while longer. Whatever the reason for the sluggish start, the result was that we missed a whole morning and woke up in time for lunch. We ate at the Windjammer buffet and the choices weren’t too bad, although I questioned their decision to add sliced red and green peppers – and no  mushrooms or garlic to speak of – to their Chicken Marsala.

The upper decks by the swimming pools were crowded all week, so we didn’t get very much outdoor lounging done until we discovered the quiet open spaces on either side of Deck 4. There were fewer chairs there, but we could sit in the shade and listen to the water rushing by without having to deal with splashes and screaming toddlers. We spent an hour or two there that Friday before the 2pm show, reading and relaxing.

Randall Monroe, creator of the xkcd webcomic, told us all about the time he turned his living room into a giant ball pit. Seems to me that the trouble (and the expense!) isn’t worth the payoff, but to each his own!  Live the dream! Then The Doubleclicks took the stage and made me giggle at Clever Girl (I’m considering making “Raaawr velociraptor!” my new ringtone) and cry at Imposter. The Doubleclicks play “silly” songs, but they’re tremendously good at making you feel feelings.

Luckily, Wil Wheaton was next up and had us in stitches with his first public attempt at standup comedy and a live reading of his definitely-going-to-get-made-one-of-these-days Robocop sitcom.

After the show we met up with our friends in their balcony room and enjoyed a bottle of wine together outside in the sea air. You’re allowed to bring wine on the ship as long as you don’t drink it in public areas – they’ll charge you a corking fee if you do – and a Sea Monkey by the name of Jeremiah had generously given Dave and I two bottles of fabulous Syrah from his wife’s vineyard. It was wonderful, as was the company.

With a huge movie screen hanging over the main swimming pool area, there was no way we would get off this cruise without having a movie night. We considered putting our swimsuits on so we could enjoy the show from one of the half-dozen hot tubs, but it was a pretty chilly night, for Caribbean standards, and we opted for lounge chairs instead. Laughing our butts off watching Paul and Storm’s Learning Town was the perfect way to end our lazy day.

JoCoCruiseCrazy III – Day 5

We spent Valentine’s Day in Saint Maarten. Wow, that’s fun to say! Makes me feel like some sort of jet-setting rich girl. I’m going to hold onto that feeling for a little while.

On Day 5, we woke up incredibly early for our big excursion on St Maarten. Actually, we woke up an hour too early, because someone‘s phone synced to island time while in USVI and someone didn’t notice, which meant that two someones were up and swimsuited and sunscreened and complaining about how room service never showed up, when those someones could have had another hour of sleep. Sigh. We skipped the official Royal Caribbean excursions because a brave and incredibly organized Sea Monkey named Christina set up a private trip for 40 of us through the local St Maarten company Captain Alan’s Tours. This way, we ensured that everyone on our excursion was a Sea Monkey, so we could be weird and dorky and nobody was going to give us any uncomfortable side-eye.

We took up three boats with our gang, and Dave and I were lucky enough to ride with the Sea Monkey good luck talisman – the Yoda backpack.

Yoda backpack meets museum Yoda.
Photo courtesy Jeff “Oboewan” Kahan

Our boat was also the only one with an iPod dock, so we got to rock out and sing along to Skullcrusher Mountain as the boat bounced through the waves. We were soaked and hoarse by the time we anchored at the first snorkeling stop at Tintamarre. The bottom there was sandy and speckled with small patches of sea grasses, and we were told to look for turtles. Every few minutes someone would yell “TURTLE!” and 40 people would flipper and flail their way over for a look. Poor turtles.

Our second stop was at a breathtakingly beautiful reef. The choppiness of the water got to me a little and I felt pretty seasick, but I refused to let it stop me from enjoying the beauty of what was just beneath those waves. Dave took my hand and we floated together with the current, pointing out fish and coral and sea urchins to each other as we went. It was an hour I will never, ever forget.


Lunch was fabulous salami and cheese sandwiches, eaten in the calm, waist-deep water off the beach of Pinel island. The sun, the sea birds, the naked leathery old guy standing on the shore, balls-to-the-breeze without a care in the world… another memorable spot to spend our Valentine’s day.

You totally just zoomed in to look for naked guys, didn’t you.

Back on the ship, not nearly as sunburned as we could have been, we were treated to a wonderful night of comedy. First was Joseph Scrimshaw, whose self-deprecating style and sharp insights on geek life really resonate with me. It’s the kind of stuff that makes you laugh in the moment, and makes you think about it for the rest of the night. He should be a lot more famous than he currently is, if you ask me. Then we enjoyed the brilliant wits and fart jokes of Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett from Rifftrax as they mocked short educational films with the help of some guest stars.

Sea Monkeys once again put their talents on display for the world to enjoy on Open Mic night in the Pharaoh’s Lounge. The place was packed at the beginning, but the crowd thinned considerably as we crept past midnight. It’s too bad, really, because some really great stuff happened right near the end of the show. Ned’s comedy routine with his “You may be a Redneck Jedi” observations, Angela’s poem about only knowing Star Wars through pop-culture references, and Leslie’s amazing rendition of Tatooine Blues on an invisible keyboard are only a few of the acts that blew the crowd away. Much of the show is available on YouTube: check out this playlist if you’d like to see what sort of amazing things this group can pull together.

My favorite part, though, was my husband’s performance.

The best part is how he pointedly did not dedicate this breakup song to me. I think he needs to play in public more often so he can be a super famous  musician and we can travel the country together for a while, but I can’t convince him he’s good enough. Oh well, no rockstar-wife life for me.