JoCoCruiseCrazy III – Day 5

We spent Valentine’s Day in Saint Maarten. Wow, that’s fun to say! Makes me feel like some sort of jet-setting rich girl. I’m going to hold onto that feeling for a little while.

On Day 5, we woke up incredibly early for our big excursion on St Maarten. Actually, we woke up an hour too early, because someone‘s phone synced to island time while in USVI and someone didn’t notice, which meant that two someones were up and swimsuited and sunscreened and complaining about how room service never showed up, when those someones could have had another hour of sleep. Sigh. We skipped the official Royal Caribbean excursions because a brave and incredibly organized Sea Monkey named Christina set up a private trip for 40 of us through the local St Maarten company Captain Alan’s Tours. This way, we ensured that everyone on our excursion was a Sea Monkey, so we could be weird and dorky and nobody was going to give us any uncomfortable side-eye.

We took up three boats with our gang, and Dave and I were lucky enough to ride with the Sea Monkey good luck talisman – the Yoda backpack.

Yoda backpack meets museum Yoda.
Photo courtesy Jeff “Oboewan” Kahan

Our boat was also the only one with an iPod dock, so we got to rock out and sing along to Skullcrusher Mountain as the boat bounced through the waves. We were soaked and hoarse by the time we anchored at the first snorkeling stop at Tintamarre. The bottom there was sandy and speckled with small patches of sea grasses, and we were told to look for turtles. Every few minutes someone would yell “TURTLE!” and 40 people would flipper and flail their way over for a look. Poor turtles.

Our second stop was at a breathtakingly beautiful reef. The choppiness of the water got to me a little and I felt pretty seasick, but I refused to let it stop me from enjoying the beauty of what was just beneath those waves. Dave took my hand and we floated together with the current, pointing out fish and coral and sea urchins to each other as we went. It was an hour I will never, ever forget.


Lunch was fabulous salami and cheese sandwiches, eaten in the calm, waist-deep water off the beach of Pinel island. The sun, the sea birds, the naked leathery old guy standing on the shore, balls-to-the-breeze without a care in the world… another memorable spot to spend our Valentine’s day.

You totally just zoomed in to look for naked guys, didn’t you.

Back on the ship, not nearly as sunburned as we could have been, we were treated to a wonderful night of comedy. First was Joseph Scrimshaw, whose self-deprecating style and sharp insights on geek life really resonate with me. It’s the kind of stuff that makes you laugh in the moment, and makes you think about it for the rest of the night. He should be a lot more famous than he currently is, if you ask me. Then we enjoyed the brilliant wits and fart jokes of Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett from Rifftrax as they mocked short educational films with the help of some guest stars.

Sea Monkeys once again put their talents on display for the world to enjoy on Open Mic night in the Pharaoh’s Lounge. The place was packed at the beginning, but the crowd thinned considerably as we crept past midnight. It’s too bad, really, because some really great stuff happened right near the end of the show. Ned’s comedy routine with his “You may be a Redneck Jedi” observations, Angela’s poem about only knowing Star Wars through pop-culture references, and Leslie’s amazing rendition of Tatooine Blues on an invisible keyboard are only a few of the acts that blew the crowd away. Much of the show is available on YouTube: check out this playlist if you’d like to see what sort of amazing things this group can pull together.

My favorite part, though, was my husband’s performance.

The best part is how he pointedly did not dedicate this breakup song to me. I think he needs to play in public more often so he can be a super famousĀ  musician and we can travel the country together for a while, but I can’t convince him he’s good enough. Oh well, no rockstar-wife life for me.


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