JoCoCruiseCrazy III – Day 4

I shuffled into the performers’ Q&A session ten minutes late and with far too little terrible cruise coffee in my system. The performers, in a very casual and down-to-earth chat, discussed some of the good and the bad about depending on creativity for a living. After listening to these guys, I feel like maybe I could really make it as a writer one of these days, if only I could get my shit together and really focus on it instead of just saying it’s going to happen.

Grumpy Cat did not approve of my tardiness.
We couldn’t spend too much time discussing creative energy, though, because Day 4 was another port day, this time an afternoon stop in the US Virgin Islands. Dave and I hopped off the ship at Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas, and hopped right back onto another boat for a short cruise tour along the shores of the neighboring island of St. John.

It’s easy to spot other nerds in your group when your captain and tour guide is creative with language. Just look to see who winces when the loudspeaker announces that “Christopher Columbus, THAT’S RIGHT, the VERY SAME Christopher Columbus who discovered OUR VERY OWN UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, arroved here in THESE BEAUTIFUL VIRGIN-DISLANDS in 1493.” Our Captain was a cheerfully angry local with a deep mistrust of the American government, a healthy love of Jesus, and a casual relationship with the rules of English grammar. We called him Cap’n ALL-CAPS and spent most of the trip mocking him from the upper deck where he couldn’t see us. He sounded like the guy on a game show who announces the AMAZING PRIZES, if that guy was a bitter and tipsy Tea Partier. He explained to us the PRISTINE BEAUTY of the arch pilay-goes of THESE VERY SAME VIRGIN DISLANDS. He showed us a historical site where AFRICAN SLAVES threw themselves from a tower and gave up their souls to OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST before the “abolination” of slavery.
Island of St. Thomas behind us


We enjoyed our little tour despite Cap’n ALL-CAPS and his blatant promotion of the CHOICE TAXIS that would be available for us to take all over St John. Dave declared that we deserved better and he’d hold out for a USDA PRIME taxi, so we explored the area around Cruz bay on foot instead. We had a delicious deli lunch with new friends and then wandered the town looking for souvenirs and trying not to step on any baby chicks.
Chickens cannot read.
I wish now that I’d had more time to spend in St Thomas. This was the first time I’d been in a place where I could look around me and see a dozen islands dotting the horizon. It was truly tropical and absolutely beautiful.



I never thought I would enjoy tropical vacations. I don’t generally like the beach. But out here, it’s not just sand and palm trees. These islands are green mountains in the water, and I love them. I sat on the little boat, leaning on my husband and feeling the wind on my face, and got to watch this happen:



It was hard to get back on the Freedom of the Seas after a day like that.

But that’s how cruises go: a day here and a day there and never enough time to really enjoy the places you visit. Luckily we were on a JoCo cruise and had more fun lined up for us that evening, or I probably would have moped as I watched the twinkling lights of St Thomas fade into the distance.

That afternoon, Wil Wheaton spent an hour in the Bull and Bear Pub, doing an AMA (Ask Me Anything) session. He was expecting maybe a dozen people, but we packed the joint because everyone loves to hear him talk about things he’s passionate about. He answered questions about homebrewing, acting, and tabletop games. I asked him a question about writing, and he was helpful with his response. I’m glad I found the time to make it to that event.

While we were at that AMA, a band of tiny pirates – kids from the daycare – stormed the Promenade with a song and dance routine. Wil stopped talking and everyone in the Bull and Bear turned to see what was going on. As Sea Monkeys are unable to resist all things pirate-y, we encouraged the kids with a hearty “Arrr!!”

Eek! Tiny pirates!

The evening’s entertainment was a spectacular live-band karaoke experiment. Jonathan Coulton and his rock ensemble played a dozen of JoCo’s songs while randomly-selected Sea Monkeys got to take the stage with them and sing like live rock stars! I could not in a million years have found enough courage to put my name in for such a thing, but the people who did perform were amazing. Some forgot the words, and some were visibly shaking in their sequins, but they were all rock stars for a few minutes and will never, ever forget it.

Edited on March 6, 2013 to add the stuff about Wil Wheaton’s AMA. I couldn’t remember what day it happened, but it’s in the right spot now. 

12 thoughts on “JoCoCruiseCrazy III – Day 4

    1. Jen

      I felt sick once or twice but it was mostly fine with a dose of Bonine. I’m told that the little seasickness patches apparently work wonders, but I’ve never tried them.

  1. opinion8dhermit

    I had to giggle at your mocking the tour guide..I’d had been doing it too.
    I went to St. Thomas and a few.orher islands on a cruise when I was 8 or 9. I loved the turquoise, calm, pool like waters and white sands of St Thimas and so still recall the view you mentioned, of the islands dotting the sea.

  2. ML

    Ah…I have missed Cap’n ALL CAPS. So glad you recounted this so I can now tell my husband how much fun we had.

  3. ML

    So glad you recounted this! I have tried for DAYS to remember all of the verbal jewels Cap’n ALL CAPS gave us that day…still brings a tear to my eye! Miss you guys!


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