Things that Horton will eat

I love Horton, my little murder kitten, despite how he keeps trying to kill the other cats, squeaks at our bedroom door all night, and generally gets himself into a lot of trouble. He was a tiny runt of a thing when I adopted him at the shelter, and he’s stayed very small, which I think has given him a feline Napoleon complex. He’s got redeeming qualities, though – he’s loving when he wants to be, and he is painfully cute when he’s sucking on his teddy bear. He runs to that bear several times a day and kneads it and sucks on it and fluffs up huge while he’s doing it. His tail gets puffy when he’s happy – how odd is that?
His health problems have caused us a lot of grief, between his broken hip that left him with a limp, and his massive emergency surgery for urinary crystals, (shout out to the fabulous emergency vet on rte 40!) With his kidney problems, he’s supposed to be eating special food, so we can avoid further medical interventions. Except that he’s an unruly brat who wants to eat everything but what he’s supposed to. For example:

  • Banana bread (but hates bananas)
  • Pumpkin bread (will also eat the batter)
  • Milk from my cereal
  • Water from the bathtub faucet
  • Bugs (mostly chews and spits out because they’re wiggly, but at least he disables them)
  • Grapefruit (will attack me for it)
  • My spaghetti sauce
  • Garlic (toxic to cats, so I don’t let him eat it, but he will fight to lick my hands if I’ve been chopping garlic)
  • Petals that fell off the tulips Dave got for my birthday (those didn’t stay down)
  • Butter
  • Raw chicken
  • Cooked chicken
  • Pepperoni
  • Ice cream
  • The other cats’ indoor-formula food, no matter where we hide it
  • My perfume (licked off my wrists)
  • Tufts of fur/hair/fluff found on the carpet (I have to be careful when brushing him or he will try to eat all the fluff I take off him)

I’m not sure how his ancestors survived long enough to breed. But I’m glad they did.

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